“Saying No gains you respect. When you say No, the other person may feel disappointed. But ultimately, they will respect you for taking good care of yourself. And most of all, you’ll respect yourself because you are being true to yourself!”
~ Doreen Virtue
How often do you cancel that much needed me time to give someone else the satisfaction of your presence or boost their ego? We are all guilty of using the yes word to appease people but why? Why is it so much easier to push out a yes then to take the time to say no. Is it conditioned in us at birth that everything someone ask you has to come with a yes? Where does this sense of “Yes Man” come from? Is it because we truly don’t want to disappoint someone or are we insecure with our own self so we try to mask it by taking on all task even if it stretches us thin. Before my journey to Self I was constantly belting out YES and after I said it I would instantly regret it. I was agreeing to more work hours, events at my daughter’s school, relationships, and events that friends were having. I thought that if I wasn’t there then they would think I didn’t care about the subject or person. I was saying yes to all of these things, but I was constantly saying no to myself. No is so necessary to our lives because it give us an opportunity to say yes to things we want to do that will make us happy.
No Is The New Yes
I lost my sense of no and was consumed with yes’s in my work. I was the one people could count on anytime for covering a shift, handling a tough situation, or knowing the product in and out. I loved being the one people called on in the time of need and I couldn’t understand why. Now that I am self reflecting and really taking time to love and learn myself I realized how insecure I was. I was so fixated on what people saw in me that I was willing to tear my own body to have them see my greatness. Everyone’s problem for saying yes to someone else and no to themselves may differ a little but it all comes down to how you want people to view you. We are afraid to say no because it’s labeled a bad word, hell it’s even banned when we’re talking to children now. No is essential to life, it brings balance, and it also lets us know who cares. People who love you won’t be mad if you say no, they understand that we only have 24 hours in a day. We should be spending time on things that make us happy not other people’s desires. If we say no we are afraid that someone won’t like us or will be disappointed in us, but that person should love us regardless of our inability to act on their desires. How will you ever have time to cater to yourself if you are always saying yes? No is the key to self love because you cannot appreciate yourself fulfilling others wishes.
No Omits Control
Saying yes all the time I would feel obligated for someone to have the same response to me. I felt entitled to yes and I wouldn’t accept any other answer I didn’t see fit. I’m guilty of trying to make someone feel remorseful if they tell me no. What kind of love is that? It’s manipulation and so unhealthy and I am grateful I can see this and move towards a more loving way. If someone tells you no its because they are doing something they love, even if you feel like you are worthy of their time. Who am I to tell someone I am better for them then their own happiness when I couldn’t even say no myself. When someone tells me no I don’t try to dissect why I got that answer, I am mindful and understand so I accept it. When someone says no it omits our control because we have to accept it whereas a yes leaves us the opportunity to say no. Looking back on my past behavior I’m laughing because I must have looked so silly throwing a tantrum for not being able to control someone’s yes and no. We should love the people who say no to doing things that make them happy, because if you make them feel that same way they will say no for you too. I still have a lot of growing to do with my yes’ and no’s but I realize that no is a lesson of love and happiness.
No Is Not Wasted Time
When you start practicing saying no, do something that you love in that time. When your plate is full say no and take that time to do something to make you happy. There is no way in Western society that we can say not to EVERYTHING we don’t like all the time, but you can control saying no to things that interfere with self love. If you begin to lack in simple self care duties from too many obligations prioritize, find out what means the most to you and say yes to those things and make the others wait. If you told that person you were going to be there and find that it’s to big of a commitment say no sooner than later and if they are a true loving person they will understand. If they don’t then don’t you think you are better of without them? No is not a bad word, it’s the best one our vocabulary. It means that you can make time for what you enjoy and life is always about the little pleasure.
To much of anything can make you sick so finding a healthy balance between yes and no is what will keep you on the path to Self. Consciously make the decision to say NO to things YOU don’t want. Understand that just because someone says no to you doesn’t always mean they don’t want to. People have more important things in life and we are not the center of anyone’s universe but our own. So make yourself the most important thing to you and say no when you need to, then say yes to the things you love. This is a huge lesson in self love, understanding that we can’t please everyone. Just make sure you please yourself, the rest will follow.
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