“The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.”
― C.G. Jung
We were always told that you can’t love others until you love yourself, but what if you’ve never experience true love? At some point we have all seen some type of broken love and our subconscious minds received that information as what love is suppose to be like. When you haven’t been shown a proper example of love, how the hell do you love yourself? How do you define it? Is it bending to someone’s will in order for their approval, or maybe catering to your wants that you lose your sense of self? On that journey to truly loving you, how can you when you’ve never had a good example? Love is many different things, but it all comes down to actions towards life and people. We move in love or hate whether we try to or not. So how do you define this “love” we all want so bad?
See we fall in love with the good in someone. We see all the great things about this person, forgetting that they are human. My friends and I use to have this saying, “He’s a Greek God” if this person hit all the GOOD qualities we wanted. I laugh now because no one is a God but himself, yet we put theses unrealistic expectations on good people. We forget that everyone has bad qualities, never acknowledging them and when it comes out we are frustrated and upset they didn’t live up to our dreams. First, we can’t create dreams for other people, stop that now it will always end in disappointment. Second, we never want to accept a person for who they are, bad habits and all. Love is acceptance. Do you accept yourself in every way? If not write a list of all the bad qualities you have. Can you change any of them? If the answer is no, then accept it why chase your tail when you can embrace it. When you accept that we all have two sides good and bad, loving yourself and others will come easier. Once you accept all your differences you will attract people who will love them too!
Don’t feel obligated to carry everyone with you through the path to self love. Leaving something or someone behind to improve your well being is called loving yourself more than anyone. Sex and The City (the movie), one of my many favorites, Samantha Tells her boyfriend Jarrod of 5 years, who stood with her through chemotherapy ” I love you, but I love myself more.” We are so fixed on helping people who helped us we end up hurting ourselves. It’s okay to love yourself more! When you truly love something you make it better not tear it down. This means changing when it is no longer beneficial to you and your NEEDS. Standing around broken will not heal you. Take action, pray, meditate and take away whatever isn’t helping you heal. Love is sacrifice. You give up what you want for what you need, but we have this concept completely twisted. When you learn to sacrifice a desire for a require you become proud, and love yourself a little more than yesterday. Everything has us focusing on impulses, but find love in giving yourself the essentials, then wants will follow.
When you accept and sacrifice, love then becomes unconditional. This does not mean to continuously hurt behind love, but to move with love in spite of the conditions. You come to an understanding that there are bumps and falls in the road. You accept it, then you sacrifice to get back on the road. Sometimes by choice, and then sometimes God pushes you. You keep trying to love yourself no matter what. Don’t be ashamed to talk to yourself and find out who you are. Do this despite the of your flaws because that list of negatives, is only a fraction of who you are. Love doesn’t question the why me or why not me. Love moves in kindness, its empathy knowing you are not where you need to be, but embracing your steps along the way, even those bumps and falls.
Love is much more than those three things, but the foundation starts there. When you accept the things you can’t change, take away the want for the needs, and do this unconditionally you’ll pieces together what your love looks like.
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